大约10年前，奈杰尔·法拉奇曾告诉LBC，如果脱欧不能取得惊人成功，他就会离开这个国家。出于谁也说不清的原因，他至今还在这里。难道说，他是个不能信守承诺的人？当然不是。
Nearly 10 years ago, Nigel Farage told LBC he would leave the country if Brexit were not a stunning success. For reasons that no one can quite fathom, he is still here. Could it be that he is a man who can’t be trusted to keep his word? Surely not.
尼格想让你知道，他依然活跃在大家身边。过去几周他可能安静了一些，因为改革党不得不应对一两次关于其资金问题的倒霉调查，但现在他可是强势回归了。他绝对没有因为工党出了一位全国民众都喜欢的首相而心神不宁。他也完全没有因为改革党在民调中跌至第二位而慌乱。哦，不。因为尼格信仰尼格。现在比以往任何时候都更加坚定。他是末日之后最后一只爬虫。仰面朝天，喘着粗气。但仍在呼吸。梦想依然活着。
Nige wants you to know he’s very much still around. He might have been a bit quiet over the past few weeks, as Reform had to deal with one or two unfortunate investigations into their funding, but now he’s very much back. And he’s definitely not rattled that Labour has a prime minister the country likes. Nor is he at all rattled that Reform has tumbled into second place in the polls. Oh, no. Because Nige believes in Nige. Now more than ever. The last creepy-crawly after the apocalypse. Lying on its back, gasping for air. But still breathing. The dream still alive.
欢迎来到新一届改革党巡回路演。和上一届改革党巡回路演大同小异，只是多了几分绝望。你几乎能感受到那种危机感。一个梦想正在渐行渐远。支持者在回音室里彼此抱得稍微更紧了一些。欢呼声稍微过于刻意。表演愈发做作。不过是把所有老台词重新翻炒一遍，再加点闪烁的灯光秀。从 now 到下一次大选，我们被承诺每周一场。这将是很长的三年。到那时，恐怕连尼格自己都会对尼格感到厌烦。
Welcome to the new Reform roadshow. Much the same as the last Reform roadshow, only with added desperation. You can almost sense the jeopardy. A dream receding into the distance. Supporters clinging just that bit tighter to each other in the echo chamber. The cheers just a bit too forced. The performance ever more contrived. Just a rehash of all the old lines with a flashing light show thrown in. We are promised one a week from now until the next general election. It’s going to be a long three years. Even Nige might be sick of Nige by then. For the first outing of The Rolling Grievance Tour, Reform had taken over a room at Doncaster racecourse.
“滚动的怨气巡演”首场演出中，改革党包下了唐卡斯特赛马场的一个房间。但我们被迫等待尼格。如今这位改革党领袖出门，身边总少不了几个毫无魅力的暖场小角色。这些人的唯一工作就是让尼格显得好看。这些人保证能让观众在几分钟内就恨不得被放出去。第一个上场的是马特·古德温，那位在戈顿和登顿选区落选的候选人。一个似乎人人一见就讨厌的人。因为这样省时间。他的唯一作用似乎就是让尼格显得没那么令人反感。
But we were made to wait for Nige. The Reform leader goes nowhere these days without a couple of charisma-free fluffers as his warm-up acts. Men whose sole job is to make Nige look good. Men who are guaranteed to have the audience begging to be let out within minutes. First up was Matt Goodwin, the candidate who failed to get elected in Gorton and Denton. Someone who everyone seems to dislike on sight. Because it saves time that way. His sole function appears to be to make Nige look a little less unpleasant. Then we had Richard Tice. Dicky would travel the length of the country if he was told there was going to be an audience of two. He is the very definition of needy. He is also spectacularly dim in the way that only posh boys can be. On the self-awareness scale he drops below zero. He has no idea people are laughing at him, not with him. His attempts to be down with the little people were met with collective despair.
接下来是理查德·泰斯（Richard Tice）的发言。只要有人告诉他会有两位听众在场，他就会不惜长途跋涉来到现场。他简直就是“渴望关注”的典型代表；不过他的愚蠢程度也达到了只有那些出身富裕家庭的年轻人才会有的程度。在“自我认知”方面，他的水平几乎为零——他完全不知道别人是在嘲笑他，而不是在和他开玩笑。
“My first job was digging trenches,” he said, desperate to ingratiate himself with an audience he openly despises. Mate, you became director of that multimillion-pound property empire because your grandfather owned it. In a fairer world, you would still be a complete nobody. At best, you would be a low-achieving middle manager somewhere. Instead, Dicky thinks he is eyeing up a cabinet post in the next government. “If I fail to deliver in 100 days, I will resign,” he promised. Why not just call it quits now?
他那些试图与普通民众拉近关系的举动，只换来了大家的失望与嘲笑。他说：“我的第一份工作就是挖战壕……”他拼命想讨好那些其实根本看不起他的听众。但事实上，他之所以能成为那个价值数百万英镑的房地产帝国的负责人，只是因为他的祖父拥有这家企业罢了。在一个公平的社会里，他依然会是个无名小卒；充其量，也不过是个平庸的中层管理者罢了。
Then a video of Nige saying he couldn’t be bought. Except he can. With a £70 cameo video or what looked like a £5m inducement from a Thai crypto-billionaire to lure him out of retirement. Then the man himself. Looking tired. Struggling to find his usual energy as he went through his familiar numbers. All this hate must be exhausting. But it was worth it, when he was a novelty. No one asked too many questions.
然而，理查德却妄想着能在下一届政府中谋得一个高级职位。他承诺道：“如果100天内我无法完成任务，我就辞职。”其实，他现在直接放弃不就好了？
He could pretend to be an insurgent. The anti-establishment choice. Except he will never be anything but the establishment. He began by insulting his audience.
接着，有人上传了一段尼格（Nige）的视频，视频中尼格表示自己“无法被收买”……但实际上他完全可以被收买：只要给70英镑，或者有一位泰国加密货币大亨出价500万英镑，他就会放弃退休生活、重新出来工作。视频中的尼格看起来很疲惫，说话时也显得缺乏往日的活力。所有这些仇恨与压力肯定让他精疲力竭……不过当初他还能吸引人们的注意时，这一切确实“值得”：没人会对他提出太多质疑；他可以假装自己是一个“反体制”的人物……但实际上，他永远都只是体制内的一个傀儡罢了。
First by claiming the St Leger was the first classic of the season when it is the last – if you’re going to try to ingratiate yourself, you should at least get some basic facts right – then by rubbishing Doncaster itself. It was a shithole. He couldn’t imagine why anyone still lived there. If what the residents did could actually be called living. Still, he was doing them a favour by granting them an hour in his presence. So they did have that. “Ed Miliband is never seen in Doncaster,” he declared. Yup. And you’re never seen in Clacton.
他首先侮辱了在场的听众：他声称圣莱杰赛马（St Leger）是这个赛季的第一场经典赛事（其实那场比赛才是最后一场经典赛事）；如果他想讨好别人，至少应该先掌握一些基本的事实吧！随后他又贬低了唐卡斯特（Doncaster）这个城市，称它是个“肮脏的地方”，甚至无法想象为什么还有人愿意住在那里。不过他觉得自己“帮了那些居民一个忙”——毕竟他愿意花一个小时的时间和他们待在一起……所以他们确实得到了这个“机会”。
So that evens things up. At least he’s in the cabinet. Time to talk about foreigners coming over in small boats. They were all a security risk. Terrorists. As the incident at Fairford proved. I’m sure the police will be thrilled to have Nige commenting on a live investigation. He had earlier even suggested that the terrorists had deliberately got themselves arrested so they could time the police response.
“埃德·米利班德从来都不出现在唐卡斯特，”他宣称。是啊，你也没怎么出现在克拉克顿……这样看来，大家的情况其实都差不多吧。至少米利班德还进入了内阁。现在该谈谈那些乘小船入境的外国人了——他们都是安全隐患，都是恐怖分子；费尔福德的事件就是明证。我敢肯定，警方肯定很高兴尼格能对这起正在进行的调查发表评论……他之前甚至还暗示那些恐怖分子是故意让自己被捕的，就是为了拖延警方的反应时间。
Even Matt the Twat isn’t that half-witted. On and on Nige went. Same old lines. Same old grievances. Nothing positive to say other than that he would miraculously cure the entire country in 100 days. A task that may take other politicians decades. It goes without saying he didn’t say how. Just believe. A man of his brilliance can do anything. Moral decline, he said sadly. We are a Judeo-Christian country. Foreigners had been put on warning. Yawn. Inevitably, we got to Andy Burnham’s promise to reset the country’s relationship with the EU.
就连那个叫马特的蠢货，也没这么蠢吧……尼格滔滔不绝地说个不停，总是重复那些老生常谈的抱怨；除了声称自己能在100天内“奇迹般地治愈”整个国家之外，他什么积极的内容都没有说。而这个任务，换作其他政客可能要花几十年才能完成……当然，他根本没说明自己到底打算怎么做……只要相信他就行了……他这么聪明，什么事情都能做到……他悲伤地指出：“我们的国家正在道德上走向衰落。”
Nige was certain it would be a disaster. Because Brexit had been a tremendous success and Burnham was seeking division. The irony meter had ramped up several notches. No one does division quite like Nige. It’s his USP. Though weirdly he has achieved some consensus.
我们毕竟是一个犹太-基督教国家……那些外国人早就被警告过了……真无聊……最后，我们自然谈到了安迪·伯纳姆关于“重塑英国与欧盟关系”的承诺。尼格坚信这一定会是一场灾难——因为脱欧本来就是一场巨大的成功，而伯纳姆却在试图制造分裂……这种“制造分裂”的能力，只有尼格才具备……不过奇怪的是，他的言论居然获得了一些人的认同；多亏了他，现在全国大多数人其实都认为脱欧是个愚蠢的决定……这也算是一种“成就”吧……他还指责安迪通过取消养老金的“三重保障机制”损害了老年人的利益……他或许应该去告诉那个叫迪克的家伙……迪克可是公开表示过“必须取消这个三重保障机制”的……“我与众不同，”他最后说道。
Thanks to him, most of the country now thinks Brexit was an idiotic idea. Quite the achievement. He also went on to accuse Andy of smashing the pensioners by removing the triple lock. He may want to tell Thick Dick that. Dicky is on record as saying the triple lock had to go. “I am different,” he said in conclusion.
他投身政治并非为了追求地位或权力；他拥有足够的财富，可以随心所欲地生活。事实上，他甚至不确定自己为什么要这么做……除了因为他是一个极度自恋的人，渴望不断的关注与认可。为了证明自己的观点，他不断要求别人“求他拯救他们”。在他看来，自己就是救世主、是“第二次降临”的使者。他并不想改革选举制度，而是想彻底废除它；在他之后，就不再需要选举了——那样的话，一个“千年帝国”就能实现了，人们就能达到“涅槃”般的境界。
He wasn’t in politics for rank or status. He had enough money to do what he liked. He was getting on a bit. In fact, he wasn’t sure why he was doing this. Other than the fact he is a raging narcissist who craves constant attention and affirmation. As if to prove the point he insisted that people kept begging him to save them. In his mind, he is the Messiah. The second coming. He didn’t want to change the electoral system, he wanted to abolish it. After him, there would be no need for elections. The thousand year Reich.
他所渴望的，只是一个普通的极右翼国家——一个属于英国人的国家。一旦我们将所有外国罪犯驱逐出境，监狱也就不再必要了，因为白人自然不会再违法了。外国人正在从精神上、经济上、道德上拖垮我们……我们就像迷路的羊群一样，迷失了方向。我们只需要相信“尼格”（Nige）就行了……但这个人甚至连自己都不再相信自己了。
Nirvana. All he wanted was just a normal far-right country. A place where England was for the English. Once we had deported all foreign criminals there would be no need for prisons because white people would stop breaking the law. Foreigners were dragging us down. Spiritually, financially, morally. We had lost our way like lost sheep. All we had to do was believe in Nige. An act of faith. Only not even Nige believes in Nige any more.