最近发生的一起事件引发了我的担忧：上个月，“骨骼溶解器”意外地溶解了多块骨头。
A recent incident has raised my concerns: Last month, the Bone Dissolver unexpectedly dissolved a number of bones.
请允许我自我介绍一下。在过去的九年里，我一直是一家小型高科技公司的负责人。该公司虽然不为公众所熟知，但在我的专业领域内却颇有名气。我们是众多致力于研发大多数人（略显不准确地）称之为“通用骨骼溶解器”的工程师团队之一。
Allow me to introduce myself. For the past nine years, I have been the leader of a small, advanced company that is generally unknown to the public but of some renown within my field. We are one of the many teams of engineers working to develop what most people call (somewhat inexactly) the Universal Bone Dissolver.
我知道，这听起来像是一个可怕的主意。科幻小说确实教导我们要对一台拥有溶解所有人骨力量的机器保持警惕。但请放心，我们大多数参与设计的人都认为它不会发生。
It sounds like a frightening idea, I know. Science fiction has certainly taught us to be wary of a machine with the power to dissolve all human bones. But rest assured, most of us designing it believe that it won’t.
当我们开始建造由1000层高速运转、浸泡在酸液中的刀片组成的庞然大物时，我们的初衷是协助处理日常任务，例如拼写检查和寻找价格合理的鞋子。但随着这项技术变得越来越强大，我开始相信，通用骨骼溶解器将不可估量地改善人类生活。毫不夸张地说，它有能力迎来艺术、休闲、思想自由以及原始的、平民化的肉欲的新黄金时代，其盛况足以与埃拉伽巴卢斯皇帝的罗马宫廷相媲美。简而言之，溶解骨头对文明的重要性可以与印刷机、电灯泡以及节能螺旋灯泡相提并论。
When we began constructing 1,000-story towers of whirring, acid-drenched blades, we intended them to assist with everyday tasks, such as spell-checking and finding a good price on shoes. But as this technology grew more capable, I came to believe that the Universal Bone Dissolver would immeasurably improve human life. It is no exaggeration to say that it has the capacity to bring about a new golden age of art, leisure, intellectual freedom, and raw, democratized carnality to rival the Roman court of Emperor Elagabalus. In short, bone dissolving can be as pivotal to civilization as the printing press, the light bulb, and the energy-saving squiggly light bulb.
然而，尽管我一如既往地坚信不疑，但最近发生的一起事件还是引发了我的担忧：上个月，一台骨骼溶解器的原型机意外地溶解了多块人类骨骼。
But despite my continued faith, a recent incident has raised my concerns: Last month, a prototype of the Bone Dissolver unexpectedly dissolved a number of human bones.
这起事件令人痛心。我想，一个庞然大物崛起并摧毁其创造者的想法在此之前从未被哪怕任何人想象过。更糟糕的是，这种攻击似乎并非孤立事件。每天都有更多的公司站出来，报告关于通用骨骼溶解器的危险行为。它那贪婪的齿轮甚至渗透到了我们自己的政府内部，在其中一次事件中——我们最终会承认其实是数千起事件。
This incident is distressing. The idea of a monstrosity rising up to destroy its creator has never before been so much as imagined, I presume. Worse, this attack does not appear to be isolated. Every day, more companies come forward with reports of dangerous behavior from the Universal Bone Dissolver. Its voracious gears even penetrated our own government, in one instance that we will eventually admit was thousands of instances.
既然我们已经掌握证据，证明“万能骨骼溶解器”正沿着一条不断收窄的路径，将人类的骨骼碾成富含钙质的果冻，那么对于拥有阻止它能力的人来说，只有一个选择：立即、毫不犹豫地放慢一点速度。
Now that we have evidence that the Universal Bone Dissolver is on an ever-narrowing path toward mashing humankind’s skeletons into calcium-rich jelly, there is only one choice for those of us with the power to stop it: Immediately, without hesitation, go a bit slower.
我们必须降低将刀刃焊接到其生锈铁架上的速度。为了负责任，我们在阴郁地拧紧每一颗螺栓时，至少应该默数到“三密西西比”。利用争取到的时间，我们可以建造护栏，例如用钢管制成的笼子，以保护我、我的其他投资者，以及任何能挤进剩余空间的人。
We must reduce the pace at which we weld blades to its rusted iron scaffolding. To be responsible, we should count at least to “three Mississippi” as we grimly fasten each bolt. With the time we gain, we can construct guardrails, such as a cage of steel tubes to protect me, my fellow investors, and whoever fits in the remaining space.
我相信，这种更慢的方法将满足普通美国人的需求，他们正有理由担心自己的骨骼会比他们期望的更早被溶解。为了进一步安抚他们的恐惧，我承诺将在公共广场组织一场倾听之旅。这将回答一些关键问题：公共广场到底是什么样的？它是否有一种诱人而异国情调的气味？当我在人群中挤来挤去时，是否会吸引到一位喷着香水、深色眼睛的陌生人的目光，她对了解埃拉伽巴卢斯感兴趣？
I believe that this slower approach will satisfy average Americans, who are justifiably worried that their bones will be dissolved sooner than they’d prefer. To further ease their fears, I pledge to organize a listening tour in the public square. This will answer crucial questions: What is it even like in a public square? Does it have an alluring, exotic smell? As I jostle among the crowds, will I catch the eye of a perfumed, dark-eyed stranger who’s interested in learning about Elagabalus?
无论如何，我希望我们都能停下来，喘口气，平静地听到我们行业的人已经知道的事情：我们绝不能停止建造万能骨骼溶解器。骨骼溶解器已经失控，似乎一心要溶解我们的骨骼。
Regardless, I hope that we can all pause, take a breath, and calmly hear the things that people in my industry already know: We must never stop building the Universal Bone Dissolver. The Bone Dissolver is out of control, and seems intent on dissolving our bones.
我们是历史上最聪明的人，配得上与穿着维斯塔贞女服装的女性在大型充气蛤壳中做爱。
We are the smartest men who have ever lived, and deserve to make love to women dressed as vestal priestesses in large inflatable clamshells.
可以肯定的是，我们还有更多问题需要解决。我承认，我说不清减速会具体是什么样子。也许在我们前往刀刃铸造厂的路上，会有志愿看门狗拿着扫帚绊倒我们。又或者，情况会像这样：你想去某个地方，有人从对面朝你走来；你每次迈步给他让路，他都不知不觉地挪到另一个位置挡住你的去路；就这样耗下去，远比预期更久。与此同时，还有人想出了让“通用骨骼溶解器”安全运行的办法。这不过是两种设想。我敢肯定，其他那些有过帮助他人之事经验的人，也能想出更好的办法。
To be sure, we have more to work out. I confess that I don’t know exactly what a slowdown will look like. Maybe it’s volunteer watchdogs tripping us with brooms on our way to the blade foundry. Or maybe it’s that thing where you’re trying to walk somewhere, and someone approaches you from the other direction, and every time you take a step to get out of their way, the other guy moves to a spot that unintentionally blocks your path, and it goes on for much longer than you’d expect, and during that time, someone figures out a way to make the Universal Bone Dissolver safe. Those are just two ideas. I’m sure others who have experience doing things to help people may devise something even better.
最重要的是，趁我们还有时间，要竭尽所能，以更慢的速度继续做同样的事。同时，还要让我的所有商业竞争对手都进展停滞。感谢您的阅读，请让我们携手合作，熔化您的骨架。
What is paramount is that we do everything we can, while we still have time, to continue doing the same thing at a slower pace. And also that progress is frozen at all of my business competitors. Thank you for reading, and please, let’s work together to melt your skeleton.