DURHAM, England: Some of us now use generative artificial intelligence (gen AI) to talk through difficult feelings. We may ask a chatbot to write an email or plan a holiday, but we also tell it that we have had a rotten day or feel anxious about a presentation.

A 2025 US survey of 1,058 people aged 12 to 21 found that 13 per cent had sought advice from gen AI when feeling sad, angry or nervous. Among those aged 18 to 21, the figure was 22 per cent. These findings suggest that turning to gen AI for emotional or mental health support is already relatively common among young people.

So is gen AI a poor substitute for a friend? Human-written replies may seem the obvious source of greater support.

However, in some experiments, including our own, people have rated gen AI responses more highly. PROVIDING "ACTIONABLE SUPPORT" Our team at the universities of Manchester and Durham conducted five experiments comparing emotional-support messages written by people with those produced by large language models (LLMs), the systems behind chatbots such as ChatGPT.

In one experiment, 390 participants imagined situations involving anger, sadness or fear. They then read either a human-written or gen AI response without being told its source. For the anger and fear scenarios, participants rated the gen AI messages as more emotionally supportive. There was no reliable difference for sadness.

Gen AI messages also improved some of the emotions participants reported, although the pattern varied. In the fear scenario, for example, they increased calm more than human messages but did not produce a greater reduction in fear itself.

Our findings fit a recent review of 23 studies. Overall, people tended to rate gen AI messages as more empathic, meaning that they appeared understanding and caring, than human-written ones. Researchers call this the “AI advantage”.

One possible reason is consistency. Gen AI can produce a structured response on demand, while people may feel tired or unsure what to say. It also tends to include a concrete suggestion that the recipient can follow.

Our experiments tested possible explanations for this advantage. In one experiment, explicitly acknowledging and validating the recipient’s feelings did not account for the greater emotional improvement associated with gen AI.

Two further experiments found stronger evidence for what we called “actionable support”: specific and realistic suggestions. Messages containing this practical help were rated as more comforting and improved some emotional responses, regardless of whether they came from gen AI or a person. When human messages offered comparable help, they were judged just as supportive in these comparisons.

Practical support also requires restraint. A 2024 study found that excessive suggestions could be less effective at making people feel heard. Before offering solutions, it may therefore help to ask whether advice is what the person wants. If it is, one manageable step may be more useful than a list of remedies. WHY DO WE STILL PREFER PEOPLE?

The source attributed to a message changes how we receive it. The same 2024 study found that gen AI responses made people feel more heard than human-written ones, but this benefit declined when recipients believed the message came from AI.

Across nine further studies involving 6,282 people, the same gen AI responses were rated as more empathic and supportive when described as human-written rather than attributed to AI. Participants also preferred human interaction when seeking emotional engagement, even when choosing a person meant waiting longer.

Research has yet to establish exactly why. One possibility is that a human response signals someone’s willingness to spend time and emotional effort. Support from somebody close also arrives within an existing relationship.

Our research with romantic couples offers indirect evidence of the importance of the recipient’s perception. We asked one partner what they did to help the other manage difficult emotions, and asked the recipient what they believed their partner had done. Both people also rated their relationship.

The recipient’s perception of their partner’s efforts was more consistently associated with both partners’ ratings of their relationship than the helper’s own account. A separate study found that valuing and receptive listening were associated with greater relationship satisfaction.

These studies identified associations. They did not establish that particular forms of support caused better relationships or explain why people prefer human support. They do, however, show what comparisons between isolated messages leave out. Comfort from somebody close comes with personal knowledge and the possibility of continued involvement. Gen AI can suggest going for a walk, but it cannot come along.

The wider research also has important limits. Much of it tested brief or one-off exchanges, often involving imagined everyday situations, and measured immediate reactions. It cannot tell us what happens when somebody relies on a chatbot over months or uses one during a mental health crisis.

The human messages were generally written by strangers or developed as representative examples. The experiments therefore did not compare gen AI with support from a friend who knew the recipient and understood the wider circumstances.

The practical lesson is that people can learn from what gen AI does effectively. When somebody is upset, ask whether they want advice. If they do, offer a specific next step that feels manageable.

Gen AI may help us find useful words and possible responses. Human relationships add personal knowledge and the ability to remain involved after the message has been sent. Used carefully, gen AI could help us become better at supporting one another.

Sarah A Walker is Assistant Professor of Educational Psychology at Durham University. Belen Lopez-Perez is Lecturer in Psychology at University of Manchester. This commentary first appeared on The Conversation.