Teach our sons that the only cause of rape is a rapist by Joslin Joseph, opinion contributor Student Assembly President Eeshaan Chaudhuri speaks during a hearing on sexual assault on campus at Cornell University in Ithaca, N.Y., Thursday, Oct. 1, 2026.

When I was in the Marines, one of my fellow Marines came to me with a problem. She had been hanging out at the barracks with several people from our unit. She got drunk, ended up dancing with a guy who was a higher rank, and went up to her room. She said what happened next was not consensual. The guy she was talking about was my best friend at the time. I did what I thought was the right thing.

I reported it to our Gunnery Sergeant and our unit’s leadership started looking into it. She later dropped the complaint because she was told that if she pursued it, she would also get into trouble for underage drinking, having alcohol in the barracks, and fraternization. Now, hearing her story, I was convinced that my friend had done wrong, but when I bought it up I was told. “It is he said/she said. And she never should have put herself in that position.”

When I was in college at Ohio State, I went to a Halloween house party. A girl showed up with a costume that was way too revealing, drawing jealousy from the ladies and lots of attention from the guys. As the night and drinking went on, guys started getting too forward with her. She eventually put on a coat but a guy ripped it off and groped her. He was kicked out and she was crying. As I left the party later, my girlfriend at the time remarked, “Well what did she expect showing up like that?”

The fallout from the Cornell rape story hasn’t even settled yet and we are once again struggling with the notion that women have to be perfect in order to not be raped. The onus should not be on women. Instead, we need to teach men that there is one rule when it comes to rape. The only cause of rape is a rapist.

Look, the Cornell controversy isn’t limited to the school and already has turned political And everyone is trying to talk about the nuances of the case while trying not to be attacked for “victim blaming” or being part of a lynch mob. Sunny Hostin of “The View” came under attack for talking about the legal tripwire that comes with charging men with rape when there is contradictory evidence. Trump has declared the Cornell 7, as they are called, won’t get a fair shake because the investigator into the case also successfully prosecuted him.

There is going to be a lot of talk again about what consent actually is, when does “no” mean no, and why the system always seems to fail. Now, I know as much as you do at this point, but it can be fair to assume that the university didn’t do nearly enough to look into the matter. For that matter, neither did the district attorney. This isn’t a new phenomenon.

When I worked at Baylor University in corporate partnerships, a huge scandal rocked the school over the university working to cover up instances of rape by members of the football team. I would meet with donors, local sponsors and alumni and the conversation always drifted toward the scandal. And it always veered toward victim blaming or conspiracies. (Evidently, it was all a smear campaign by a very jealous University of Texas according to some people in Waco). Between that and the first two instances I talked about, there was always the same pattern.

A lack of accountability from the men. We live in an era where people are freaking about masculinity in this country (or a lack thereof). Some in the manosphere have taken a stance that women need protecting. We can’t have trans women playing sports because we need to protect the women. But somehow, we can’t work to hold ourselves accountable from protecting women from rape by men.

It doesn’t matter if you are a man who claims to be a feminist or a so-called alpha male in the manosphere. The change in attitude that should have been adopted during MeToo should have come from us. The only cause of rape is when men make the choice. The choice to ignore a no. The choice to take advantage when you know better. The choice to walk away. The choice to accept it won’t be your night to get lucky.

It’s also the choice to speak up. Several of the men in this case claimed they were very uncomfortable. Well, it shouldn’t take an Ivy League education to realize when you are in a situation that is clearly uncomfortable, you probably need to speak up.

Apologizing after the fact as one of the accused did, or claiming that you were the victim too as another did is not the answer.

We are nowhere near close to knowing what actually happened that night. Despite living in a world where a digital trail makes evidence more easily obtainable, this still might end up a case that is she said/they said. But we can finally start doing the right thing and teaching young men and boys this situation. And teach that the only cause of rape is a rapist and that is an easy choice to make in any situation.

Joslin Joseph is a recipient of the Military Reporters and Editors award for Best Commentary /Opinion. A graduate of Harvard and Ohio State, he is a Marine veteran who served in Iraq. He currently lives in Anaheim, Calif.