我最近降职了，但并不是因为我缺乏野心。我做出这个选择是因为我们的五个孩子要上大学了，数学是不容忽视的。当我和丈夫结婚时，我们在芝加哥西郊组建了一个有六个孩子的家庭。五人同时上高中--两名高年级学生、一名大三学生、一名大二学生和一名新生。我们很高兴拥有一个大家庭。我们还在关注五份大学学费账单几乎同时到达的可能性。
I recently took a career demotion, but not because I lacked ambition. I made this choice because five of our kids were headed to college, and the math was impossible to ignore. When my husband and I married, we blended a family of six children in a western suburb of Chicago. Five were in high school at the same time — two seniors, a junior, a sophomore, and a freshman. We were thrilled to have a big family. We were also staring at the possibility of five college tuition bills arriving almost at once.
我和丈夫都相信大学改变了我们的生活。我们希望我们的孩子也有同样的机会，但我们也知道我们不能简单地写支票并希望一切顺利。我们希望他们工作、申请援助并参与比赛。尽管如此，我们不希望他们在成年后陷入债务之中。然后我听说了一个好处，看起来好得令人难以置信。一些大学为员工及其子女提供免费或大幅折扣的学费。
My husband and I both believed college had changed our lives. We wanted our children to have that same chance, but we also knew we could not simply write checks and hope for the best. We expected them to work, apply for aid, and have skin in the game. Still, we did not want them starting adulthood buried in debt. Then I heard about a benefit that seemed too good to be true. Some colleges offer free or deeply discounted tuition to employees and their children.
这是我们找到的第一个实用的解决方案。当时，我的营销生涯还很年轻。在家抚养孩子多年后，我回到了学校，并试图建立动力。我的丈夫已经在办公用品行业花了二十年的时间建立了自己的职业生涯，所以如果我们中的一个人为了学费福利而去找一份大学工作，那就是我是有道理的。经过几个月的寻找，我在一所距离我们家约八英里的小型文理学院找到了一份入门级的数据输入工作。
It was the first practical solution we had found. At the time, my marketing career was still young. I had gone back to school after years at home raising kids and was trying to build momentum. My husband had already spent two decades building his career in the office supply industry, so if one of us was going to chase a college job for the tuition benefit, it made sense that it would be me. After months of searching, I was offered an entry-level, data-entry job at a small liberal arts college about eight miles from our house.
学费福利非常棒--如果我的孩子就读于我工作过的学校或全国小型文理学院名单上的学校，他们就可以获得免费学费--而且很快就会开始。不过，薪水却难以下咽。接受这份工作意味着接受一份会让我的工资减半的薪水，以及一个感觉我倒退了三步的头衔。从表面上看，这个决定是有道理的。一个孩子一年的学费可能比减薪还要多。
The tuition benefit was fantastic — my kids would get free tuition if they attended the school where I worked or one on a list of small liberal arts colleges across the country — and it would start right away. The salary, though, was hard to swallow. Taking the job meant accepting a salary that would cut my pay in half and a title that felt like I was taking three steps backwards. On paper, the decision made sense. One year of tuition for one child could cost more than the pay cut.
再乘以五个孩子，财务逻辑就很明显了。从理论上讲，事情并没有那么简单。多年来，我一直以某人的母亲身份为人所知，我一直在努力创造一个职业身份。现在，我选择了较低的工资，较低的头衔，以及不能反映我希望职业发展方向的工作。我告诉自己我这样做是为了孩子们，我确实如此。但这并没有消除刺痛。多年来，我一直想知道自己是否放弃了太多。
Multiply that by five kids, and the financial logic was obvious. Emotionally, it was not that simple. I had worked hard to create a professional identity after years of being known mainly as someone's mom. Now I was choosing lower pay, a lower title, and work that did not reflect where I wanted my career to go. I told myself I was doing it for the kids, and I was. But that did not erase the sting. For years, I wondered whether I had given up too much.
我想到了我放弃的薪水，我放慢的职业动力，以及每次我解释为什么接受这份工作时我必须抛开的自负。尽管如此，养育子女通常需要一种电子表格无法捕捉的数学。你把收入、债务、机会、自豪感、恐惧和希望加起来。然后你做出你相信会给你的孩子更多选择的选择，即使这会让你付出一些其他人看不到的代价。最终，这个决定改变了我们所有人的未来。
I thought about the salary I had walked away from, the career momentum I had slowed, and the ego I had to set aside every time I explained why I had taken the job. Still, parenting often requires a kind of math no spreadsheet can capture. You add up income, debt, opportunity, pride, fear, and hope. Then you make the choice you believe will give your children more options, even if it costs you something no one else can see. In the end, the decision changed all of our futures.
多年来，学费福利涵盖了我们孩子17年的大学生活。我也是在大学工作期间获得硕士学位的。最终，我担任了营销助理总监的职位，有一年，我的总奖励报表显示我的学费福利相当于我工资的350%。我们的孩子走了不同的道路。其中一个高中毕业后还没有准备好上大学，但后来又回到工作岗位攻读学位。其中两人后来获得了硕士学位。
Over the years, the tuition benefit covered 17 years of college for our kids. I earned my master's degree while working at the college, too. Eventually, I moved into an assistant director of marketing role, and one year, my total rewards statement showed my tuition benefit was worth 350% of my salary. Our kids took different paths. One was not ready for college right after high school, but later returned to work on his degree. Two went on to earn master's degrees.
两个人在他们所研究的领域之外建立了职业生涯，但他们的学位仍然打开了大门。我们最小的孩子结婚时还没有上小学，现在正在攻读学位。父母一直在默默地做出牺牲。有些从外表看起来很戏剧化，但许多则不然。我的薪水看起来更少，只是入门级的头衔，多年来一直在想我是否为自己留出了太多东西。但现在回想起来，我并不后悔。当我最终离开大学时，我们的一个儿子说：“我们过得很好。
Two built careers outside the fields they studied, but their degrees still opened doors. Our youngest, who was not yet in grade school when we married, is now finishing her degree. Parents make quiet sacrifices all the time. Some look dramatic from the outside, but many do not. Mine looked like a smaller paycheck, an entry-level title, and years of wondering whether I had set aside too much of myself. But now looking back, I don't regret it. When I eventually left the college, one of our sons said, "We had a good run.
感谢您为我们所做的一切。“那时我对权衡的理解有所不同。降职并没有让我的生活变得更小。它帮助我们所有的未来变得更大。
Thank you for all you've done for us." That was when I understood the tradeoff differently. The demotion had not made my life smaller. It had helped make all of our futures bigger.