SINGAPORE: Amid long nights of military planning and discussions, Lieutenant Colonel (LTC) Shahreel Adam from the Singapore Army and Major (MAJ) Mahmud Afifi Mohn Kifli from the Royal Brunei Land Force found common ground over their love of food and banter about weekly football scores.

The two officers, both now 37, first met in 2023 as coursemates at the Singapore Armed Forces' (SAF) Goh Keng Swee Command and Staff College.

They attended the Command and Staff Course, which brings together regular SAF officers, Singapore's Ministry of Home Affairs officers, and invited international officers with the ranks of Major, Lieutenant Colonel, Military Expert 5, Military Expert 6, and their equivalents.

LTC Shahreel remembers his Bruneian counterpart as outgoing and warm, bringing positive energy to the course. As for MAJ Afifi, he found LTC Shahreel to be professional, friendly, and someone who made him feel welcome from day one. They spent long hours together in the planning room, unwinding and connecting over meals afterwards.

"Within the first interactions already, we knew that we will hit off. And actually, over time, we've realised how much we have in common with each other," LTC Shahreel told CNA.

"I think we sort of skipped a step a little bit. We jumped from being coursemates to friends almost immediately," he said, adding that they later found out how they shared the same alma mater in the University of Western Australia.

What began as a friendship between coursemates soon grew into a bond that transcended borders, with the pair meeting almost every year since.

For MAJ Afifi, their enduring bond is "testament to a friendship that goes far beyond the uniform".

LTC Shahreel and MAJ Afifi catching up over a meal at Jerudong Food Market in Brunei.

Their friendship is one of many forged between servicemen and women from Singapore and Brunei over decades of military cooperation. This year marks the 50th anniversary of defence ties between the two countries, with Singapore's Prime Minister Lawrence Wong visiting Brunei to commemorate the milestone Mr Wong, who is also finance minister, and Brunei's Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah attended a joint parade at Muara Naval Base on Saturday (Oct 10), featuring 256 personnel and operational assets from the land, naval and air forces of both armed forces.

The parade was a key milestone in a year-long series of activities commemorating the 50th anniversary, including bilateral exercises across all three services and new areas of cooperation, the Ministry of Defence (MINDEF) said in a news release.

The Singapore-Brunei relations stretch back to the early years of both armed forces. The Royal Brunei Armed Forces was established in 1961, followed by the SAF in 1965, with formal defence relations established in 1976.

Singapore's first Chief of Defence Force, retired Lieutenant-General Winston Choo, had also trained alongside many leaders from Royal Brunei Armed Forces.

"These early professional and personal ties laid strong foundations for bilateral defence relations and have endured across generations," MINDEF said. "A NATURAL EXTENSION" Five decades on, that spirit of camaraderie continues through servicemen such as LTC Shahreel from Singapore and MAJ Afifi from Brunei The pair caught up when LTC Shahreel's unit trained in Brunei earlier this year, and again when MAJ Afifi visited Singapore for the Shangri-La Dialogue, Asia's premier defence forum.

Their meetings often involve a good meal, reminiscing about their Command and Staff College days and exchanging stories about work challenges.

LTC Shahreel has visited Brunei more than 10 times since his first trip as an officer cadet in 2008. But it was only this year that he had the opportunity to interact with Bruneians beyond MAJ Afifi.

Having heard his friend's stories over the years, he found the experience familiar and seamless.

For both men, the biggest takeaway was the value of having a good friend and counterpart on the other side. LTC Shahreel said he was inspired by how well-read and well-travelled his friend is, and his willingness to share and learn.

MAJ Afifi in turn values LTC Shahreel's humility and sincerity. These qualities, he said, keep him open to different perspectives regardless of rank or experience, while building the trust needed for honest conversations and strong relationships.

The men see their friendship as a "natural extension of the strong relationship" between the two armies and hope more servicemen will forge lasting friendships like theirs.

SHARED EXPERIENCE AS FEMALE LEADERS For two air force officers, their friendship began with the weight of a shared responsibility.

Almost a decade ago, MAJ Thng Lizhen from the Republic of Singapore Air Force (RSAF) and MAJ (Udara) Noraqidah Efinddi from the Royal Brunei Air Force were the first female platoon commanders participating in the bilateral exercise Exercise Airguard in 2016. Both were junior officers then, navigating unfamiliar territories and determined to prove themselves.

"Despite being from two different countries, we both shared the same thought that this opportunity comes with heavy responsibilities, and we both wanted to do well and do our country proud so that people would know that it is more than possible for females to take on a leading role for such exercises," said MAJ Thng. That shared experience helped them connect.

"We were both learning and adapting to our new roles, so there was a mutual understanding and support between us," said MAJ Noraqidah.

From left: MAJ Thng Lizhen and MAJ (Udara) Noraqidah Efinddi during Exercise Airguard in 2016, where they were the first female platoon commanders.

For MAJ Thng, now 38, leading a team of full-time national servicemen and regulars in Brunei's unfamiliar terrain and culture added to the pressure. "The stress and pressure I had on myself to do well was unavoidable," she said.

Noraqidah, 36, understood those feelings. "The fact that I am leading and navigating environments where I am often the only female officer or leader in the room can be somewhat isolating, especially early in my career. "For Exercise Airguard, having another female leader who was also a young, newly commissioned officer gave me a true ally in that journey," she said.

Conversations about training, challenges, and their shared passion for military service set the foundation for their relationship, which has since evolved into a personal friendship. "We encouraged each other, learned from one another and, most importantly, knew that we were not navigating those challenges alone," MAJ Noraqidah said. One memory still makes them laugh almost 10 years later.

During Exercise Airguard, the pair stayed up until dawn once, perfecting their plans to brief senior leaders the next morning.

After checking deployment sites at night, they took turns rehearsing their presentations and offering feedback, sacrificing rest to ensure everything would go smoothly. "It was definitely nerve-racking as it was the first time I had to give a brief to senior leaders from the RSAF and RBAirF (Royal Brunei Air Force). Aqidah encouraged me and gave me the assurance that I was doing well. Till today, we still laugh over this shared memory," MAJ Thng recalled.

MAJ (U) Noraqidah (front row, second from left) in 2016 giving a mission brief to senior leaders during Exercise Airguard in Brunei.

Over the years, they have kept in touch through texts and always find pockets of time to catch up over meals.

The two servicewomen believe personal relationships like theirs have practical value when both forces work together. Having trained alongside someone means understanding how they communicate and operate, MAJ "For me, that is what makes these friendships meaningful. We may first meet through an exercise or a course, but the trust we build can continue throughout our careers and contribute to the strength of the wider relationship between our two countries," she added.

MAJ Thng and MAJ (U) Noraqidah catching up in Brunei in 2022.

COURSEMATES TO FAMILY FRIENDS A similar bond developed between 38-year-olds Colonel (COL) David Kan Shengyao from the Republic of Singapore Navy and Commander Mohammad Khairul Anuar Abdullah from the Royal Brunei Navy.

The pair met during the 53rd Goh Keng Swee Command and Staff Course in 2022, where they served as international liaison officers and sponsors and became learning buddies. The course gave them opportunities to understand each other's professional experiences, personal lives and values. They kept in touch during birthdays, changes in appointments and overseas deployments.

They soon discovered that they were in “very similar stages" in their lives, said Commander Khairul.

Both officers have two young children, and COL Kan got to know Commander Khairul's family when they visited Singapore.

COL David Kan Shengyao (right) meeting up with Commander Mohammad Khairul Anuar Abdullah and his family in Brunei.

Said Commander Khairul: "We talk about our marriages. We talk about our parenting tips and tricks and challenges." COL Kan added: “There's a lot that we share in common about struggles, kids falling sick, about families having to deal with the times that we are away at sea or on mission as Khairul is going on one really soon. “That's really something that helps us to increase (our) mutual understanding and really support each other.”Professional commitments also brought them together regularly.

The two navies participate in the annual Exercise Pelican, alongside dialogues and multilateral exercises, giving the officers opportunities to work together at least once a year.

From left: COL Kan and Commander Khairul during a commissioning ceremony for the KDB Al-Faruq vessel in Brunei. Despite their busy schedules, they still make time to meet up over meals.

The pair believe the naval cooperation lies not only in formal agreements and exercises, but also in the trust built between officers.

For one, COL Kan believes that this friendship that he shares with Commander Khairul reflects the sibling-like relationship between both of their countries. Said COL Kan: "50 years … you can say it's long, but actually it's still considered quite short."

Commander Khairul added: "(50 years) is obviously a massive, massive milestone. Looking ahead (to) the future, I hope to still be able to participate, if not witness, the 60th, 70th, and so on, anniversary of our relationship."